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Once I was asked, "What can help the members of your YSA stake the most?" While there is a broad spectrum of strengths and needs in my stake and while needs vary from ward to ward, I clearly noticed these patterns of needs in the older YSA wards.
- Relational: The Need for Close Relationships & Good Friendships
- Cheerleading: The Need for Affirmation & a Sense of "Success"
- Progression: The Need for Continued Growth & Occupational Well-Being
- Leadership: Counseling with Councils, Positive Minded, Highly Involved, Approachable/Warm, Inspiring Examples
The first two bullet points remind me of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which illustrates lower areas that need to be met before higher areas can be met. Many, if not most of the individuals in my stake, seem to be very high on this hierarchy. That is definitely something worth celebrating and definitely something to be thankful for. Most of the needs I will mention below refer to the top three tiers or areas of need.
Here is another version of this chart that I found insightful.
What needs are there? Trends in Upper Aged YSA Wards
NEED #1- RELATIONAL: The Need for Close Relationships and Positive Friendships
It is a unique thing to live in the same area (Provo) for a number of years where you're surrounded by literally thousands of individuals with your same standards that you could be good friends with. Socially speaking, water that is "an inch deep and a mile wide" is typically not water where deep roots grow. In an area where there is so much "breadth" it is great to see what wards are doing to encourage "depth" - dinner groups, neighborhood Facebook pages, intramural teams, etc. Fostering closeness and friendship is very needed and is typically the territory where roots of faith, friendship and future families grow best.
NEED #2 "CHEERLEADING" aka ENCOURAGEMENT: The Need for Affirmation & a Sense of "Success" As a Single Adult
At a Stake PEC in May 2013 my stake president gave incredible council regarding "encouraging the creation of eternal companionships." His counsel to the High Counselors in our stake was clear: do not "preach" marriage from the pulpit, but rather encourage the other things that naturally lead toward that. It echoed so well Sister Beck's counsel from a past CES fireside,
“When we speak about your responsibility to marry, we might be creating feelings of frustration because this important part of your eternal progress is not occurring on your timetable.
It reminds me of an experience my husband had while playing on a high school basketball team. The players had prepared well and traveled to the gymnasium of their rival team. They were physically and mentally ready to beat their opponents. They were in the locker room, and the coach had just finished his pep talk. They were bursting with energy and confidence as they ran for the door that led onto the playing floor. It was locked! The ballplayers plowed into each other against the door, and their energy went flat in the locker room before the game ever started.
Sometimes I think that is what happens to you when we talk to you about marriage and family.
We encourage you to get excited about the possibilities,
but in reality you may feel you are pushing against a locked door....
So, let’s then focus on four activities you can be doing right now.
These activities can be the keys that will help you unlock the door to the blessings of Abraham.
The four activities are serving others, sharing the gospel,
participating in temple and family history work, and preparing for your future.
All of these activities invite the Holy Ghost to be your companion.”
This kind of counsel is like balm of Gilead for those who have been hoping and trying for so long to bring something about (i.e. an awesome marriage and family life) which they are not completely in charge of. Unlike dating, courtship and marriage which individuals do not have complete personal control regarding, individuals can have control regarding the four areas President Beck referred to: serving others, sharing the gospel, participating in temple and family history work and preparing for your future.
Everyone can "feel successful" concerning these areas of life whereas some individuals, who after years of counsel to "get married" may label themselves as "unsuccessful" (or may feel labeled as unsuccessful by others). That is a sentiment that we definitely don't want anyone to feel in relation to the Lord and His church, or in relation to counsel given through their leaders in His church.
Everyone wants to feel successful. How we define "success" is such an important aspect in life. Cheering on individuals for their success of living a Christlike life is definitely needed among singles in the church who have heard for so long and who believe so strongly that the most important area for success is something that they have not "brought about" yet, "done" yet or been blessed with yet. They need to be reminded that success in life is not determined by status- marital status, economic status, education level, number of children, etc., but rather by how Christlike their character is becoming. They need to be encouraged in how well they are doing at the things that really do matter most - becoming more like Him.
NEED 3- PROGRESSION: The need for Continued Personal Growth & Occupational Well-Being
I didn't know how common of a need this was in my stake until the past 2 years. While visiting with bishops from the upper age singles' wards in our stake, multiple bishops indicated that underemployment is among their top 5 areas of need and concern among a good sized demographic of their ward members. Sometimes I refer to this area of need as a need for "rungs to reach to" on an individuals "ladder" of growth in life.
When we see the research behind unemployment and underemployment, we see the urgency expressed in an early Church welfare pamphlet saying, "A man out of work is of special moment to the Church because, deprived of his inheritance, he is on trial as Job was on trial -- for his integrity. As days lengthen into weeks and months and even years of adversity, the hurt grows deeper... The Church cannot hope to save a man on Sunday if during the week it is a complacent witness to the crucifixion of his soul." Helping Others to Help Themselves: The Story of the Mormon Church Welfare Program (1945), 4.
What needs are there? Trends in Upper Aged YSA Wards
NEED #1- RELATIONAL: The Need for Close Relationships and Positive Friendships
It is a unique thing to live in the same area (Provo) for a number of years where you're surrounded by literally thousands of individuals with your same standards that you could be good friends with. Socially speaking, water that is "an inch deep and a mile wide" is typically not water where deep roots grow. In an area where there is so much "breadth" it is great to see what wards are doing to encourage "depth" - dinner groups, neighborhood Facebook pages, intramural teams, etc. Fostering closeness and friendship is very needed and is typically the territory where roots of faith, friendship and future families grow best.NEED #2 "CHEERLEADING" aka ENCOURAGEMENT: The Need for Affirmation & a Sense of "Success" As a Single Adult
At a Stake PEC in May 2013 my stake president gave incredible council regarding "encouraging the creation of eternal companionships." His counsel to the High Counselors in our stake was clear: do not "preach" marriage from the pulpit, but rather encourage the other things that naturally lead toward that. It echoed so well Sister Beck's counsel from a past CES fireside,
“When we speak about your responsibility to marry, we might be creating feelings of frustration because this important part of your eternal progress is not occurring on your timetable.
It reminds me of an experience my husband had while playing on a high school basketball team. The players had prepared well and traveled to the gymnasium of their rival team. They were physically and mentally ready to beat their opponents. They were in the locker room, and the coach had just finished his pep talk. They were bursting with energy and confidence as they ran for the door that led onto the playing floor. It was locked! The ballplayers plowed into each other against the door, and their energy went flat in the locker room before the game ever started.
Sometimes I think that is what happens to you when we talk to you about marriage and family.
It reminds me of an experience my husband had while playing on a high school basketball team. The players had prepared well and traveled to the gymnasium of their rival team. They were physically and mentally ready to beat their opponents. They were in the locker room, and the coach had just finished his pep talk. They were bursting with energy and confidence as they ran for the door that led onto the playing floor. It was locked! The ballplayers plowed into each other against the door, and their energy went flat in the locker room before the game ever started.
Sometimes I think that is what happens to you when we talk to you about marriage and family.
We encourage you to get excited about the possibilities,
but in reality you may feel you are pushing against a locked door....
So, let’s then focus on four activities you can be doing right now.
These activities can be the keys that will help you unlock the door to the blessings of Abraham.
The four activities are serving others, sharing the gospel,
participating in temple and family history work, and preparing for your future.
All of these activities invite the Holy Ghost to be your companion.”
This kind of counsel is like balm of Gilead for those who have been hoping and trying for so long to bring something about (i.e. an awesome marriage and family life) which they are not completely in charge of. Unlike dating, courtship and marriage which individuals do not have complete personal control regarding, individuals can have control regarding the four areas President Beck referred to: serving others, sharing the gospel, participating in temple and family history work and preparing for your future.
Everyone can "feel successful" concerning these areas of life whereas some individuals, who after years of counsel to "get married" may label themselves as "unsuccessful" (or may feel labeled as unsuccessful by others). That is a sentiment that we definitely don't want anyone to feel in relation to the Lord and His church, or in relation to counsel given through their leaders in His church.
NEED 3- PROGRESSION: The need for Continued Personal Growth & Occupational Well-Being
I didn't know how common of a need this was in my stake until the past 2 years. While visiting with bishops from the upper age singles' wards in our stake, multiple bishops indicated that underemployment is among their top 5 areas of need and concern among a good sized demographic of their ward members. Sometimes I refer to this area of need as a need for "rungs to reach to" on an individuals "ladder" of growth in life.
When we see the research behind unemployment and underemployment, we see the urgency expressed in an early Church welfare pamphlet saying, "A man out of work is of special moment to the Church because, deprived of his inheritance, he is on trial as Job was on trial -- for his integrity. As days lengthen into weeks and months and even years of adversity, the hurt grows deeper... The Church cannot hope to save a man on Sunday if during the week it is a complacent witness to the crucifixion of his soul." Helping Others to Help Themselves: The Story of the Mormon Church Welfare Program (1945), 4.
*This research can be found here on Gallup's website.
In my own experience, nothing has ever influenced me more negatively emotionally, spiritually and relationally than feeling stagnant for an extended amount of time. Like President Owen, a counselor in my stake presidency, said at one stake council, "There is no such thing as being stagnant. If you're not progressing, you're digressing." I can personally attest to that. For me personally, a large part of my feeling stagnant came about when I felt like I had "flat-lined or "plateaued" professionally.
Progression can take place in other areas through developing skills, talents, and abilities outside of work. You can learn to create art, play the piano, make new recipes, learn to interact with more people and the list could go on and on. Not all of life is work. Not all of progression takes place in a career. It is however an important area of life for those in the work-force. It is an area where people contribute to society, create and have a positive influence.
Some people may argue that some singles focus too much on work and in some cases I am sure that is true. It is however for many singles an area where they have greater control over, one where they can see results when relationships are not resulting in much, and one where they can give back, build up, create and contribute. While it would be wonderful to do those same things with a spouse and with children, for singles, that is not currently an option. Work can be an incredible source of contribution and satisfaction.
If however work becomes stagnant and plateaued it no longer provides that great sense of satisfaction. How then can someone overcome stagnant stages and plateaued phases to enjoy work the way they once did?
I have never heard stagnation addressed better than how Bishop Roy addressed it in a 5th Sunday lesson to the whole 232nd ward. He counseled them to
- Not limit themselves to past decisions
- regarding what they do for work, who they date, living in Provo or wherever they might be, etc.
- Get to know yourselves better
- personality, passions, interests, and what they really want in life
- Create a blue-print to achieve what they really want.
Here is the link to his counsel in case it may be of interest. I recorded it because of how it helped me and because it would help some of my friends.
AREA 4: LEADERSHIP: Councils, Examples, Involvement
During the years that I served in stake callings I was fortunate to see some wards thrive. Oftentimes, but not always, there seemed to be correlating factors between the bishopric members and developments in the ward. All bishops contribute incredible strengths, individual talents, and ever-so appreciated personal dedication. Among the many incredible gifts I have seen among YSA bishops whose wards I have been fortunate to be in and who I have been privileged to rub shoulders with in multiple YSA stakes and callings for years and years, some strengths, regardless of their personality styles, have been incredibly appreciated and influential particularly in a YSA ward.
Encouraging Councils to Counsel Together:
They talk less than 50% of the time. They ask questions. The purpose of the council and the council time is to meet peoples' needs and to build their faith rather. than to plan events and activities. The feeling in the room is comfortable and collaborative. This training video on it does such a great job in demonstrating many of these elements.
Inspiring Others Through Their Examples:
If you want individuals in a congregation to desire marriage, demonstrate through your relationship how desirable it really is. I have loved the examples I have had to look up to of happy, supportive, fun-filled and purpose driven relationships where husbands and wives love the Lord, eat His words and shine light through their eyes and friendship through their hugs. If you desire members to have the Spirit, speak by it, live by it, serve with it. Bishops have set examples in areas as various as parenting, making needed life changes, progressing professionally, seeking counsel, improving their relationships with spouses and so much more. I am so grateful for the bishops who along with their wife's have set examples I would aspire to follow.
Highly Involved & Approachable/Warm
Among the various wards that I saw thrive, one strand that seemed to be a common thread interweaving between all of them was simply the bishop's ability to make friends with the ward members. Whether it was talking about hobbies, or simply relating regarding the things that they had going on in their separate lives. The thing that remained the same was that they were approachable, happy and lively. They were not able to be present at every activity but they were welcomed in the lives of the ward members and the ward members were welcomed into the homes and lives of the bishopric members as well.
Conclusion:
I know these needs are not YSA ward specific but seeing these needs intensified in this specific age-group has been very insightful. By writing them here, hopefully I'll be able to simply keep a reflective record in case I need to remember and reference it some day in the future.
What common needs have you seen in YSA wards? What have you seen implemented to help meet those needs?
*This research can be found here on Gallup's website.
In my own experience, nothing has ever influenced me more negatively emotionally, spiritually and relationally than feeling stagnant for an extended amount of time. Like President Owen, a counselor in my stake presidency, said at one stake council, "There is no such thing as being stagnant. If you're not progressing, you're digressing." I can personally attest to that. For me personally, a large part of my feeling stagnant came about when I felt like I had "flat-lined or "plateaued" professionally.
Progression can take place in other areas through developing skills, talents, and abilities outside of work. You can learn to create art, play the piano, make new recipes, learn to interact with more people and the list could go on and on. Not all of life is work. Not all of progression takes place in a career. It is however an important area of life for those in the work-force. It is an area where people contribute to society, create and have a positive influence.
Some people may argue that some singles focus too much on work and in some cases I am sure that is true. It is however for many singles an area where they have greater control over, one where they can see results when relationships are not resulting in much, and one where they can give back, build up, create and contribute. While it would be wonderful to do those same things with a spouse and with children, for singles, that is not currently an option. Work can be an incredible source of contribution and satisfaction.
If however work becomes stagnant and plateaued it no longer provides that great sense of satisfaction. How then can someone overcome stagnant stages and plateaued phases to enjoy work the way they once did?
I have never heard stagnation addressed better than how Bishop Roy addressed it in a 5th Sunday lesson to the whole 232nd ward. He counseled them to
- Not limit themselves to past decisions
- regarding what they do for work, who they date, living in Provo or wherever they might be, etc.
- Get to know yourselves better
- personality, passions, interests, and what they really want in life
- Create a blue-print to achieve what they really want.
Here is the link to his counsel in case it may be of interest. I recorded it because of how it helped me and because it would help some of my friends.
AREA 4: LEADERSHIP: Councils, Examples, Involvement
During the years that I served in stake callings I was fortunate to see some wards thrive. Oftentimes, but not always, there seemed to be correlating factors between the bishopric members and developments in the ward. All bishops contribute incredible strengths, individual talents, and ever-so appreciated personal dedication. Among the many incredible gifts I have seen among YSA bishops whose wards I have been fortunate to be in and who I have been privileged to rub shoulders with in multiple YSA stakes and callings for years and years, some strengths, regardless of their personality styles, have been incredibly appreciated and influential particularly in a YSA ward.
Encouraging Councils to Counsel Together:
They talk less than 50% of the time. They ask questions. The purpose of the council and the council time is to meet peoples' needs and to build their faith rather. than to plan events and activities. The feeling in the room is comfortable and collaborative. This training video on it does such a great job in demonstrating many of these elements.
Inspiring Others Through Their Examples:
If you want individuals in a congregation to desire marriage, demonstrate through your relationship how desirable it really is. I have loved the examples I have had to look up to of happy, supportive, fun-filled and purpose driven relationships where husbands and wives love the Lord, eat His words and shine light through their eyes and friendship through their hugs. If you desire members to have the Spirit, speak by it, live by it, serve with it. Bishops have set examples in areas as various as parenting, making needed life changes, progressing professionally, seeking counsel, improving their relationships with spouses and so much more. I am so grateful for the bishops who along with their wife's have set examples I would aspire to follow.
Highly Involved & Approachable/Warm
Among the various wards that I saw thrive, one strand that seemed to be a common thread interweaving between all of them was simply the bishop's ability to make friends with the ward members. Whether it was talking about hobbies, or simply relating regarding the things that they had going on in their separate lives. The thing that remained the same was that they were approachable, happy and lively. They were not able to be present at every activity but they were welcomed in the lives of the ward members and the ward members were welcomed into the homes and lives of the bishopric members as well.
Conclusion:
I know these needs are not YSA ward specific but seeing these needs intensified in this specific age-group has been very insightful. By writing them here, hopefully I'll be able to simply keep a reflective record in case I need to remember and reference it some day in the future.What common needs have you seen in YSA wards? What have you seen implemented to help meet those needs?
"They need to be reminded that success in life is not determined by status- marital status, economic status, education level, number of children, etc., but rather by how Christlike their character is becoming."
ReplyDeleteI learned this the hard way, but I'm so grateful to the Lord's gentle love in teaching me this principle when I needed to hear it the most.
It was my first semester of law school. I had no idea how to "think like a lawyer." I had the mind and heart of a psychologist going into law school. That was my undergrad. When I got my grades back with a letter from the school assuring me from their decades of experience that those who had grades as poor as mine were, without fail, incapable of bringing their grades up even high enough to stay in law school--to even get passing grades. They invited me to withdraw now so that I could come back in three years and try again. If I didn't, I'd be forever excluded from coming back to the school.
I was devastated. Absolutely. Horribly. Devastated.
To be continued…
I turned to the Lord. I went to the scriptures. I felt directed by the Lord to Colossians 3:14. It struck me as true and brought such comfort to my heart like no other message from any mortal could have brought to me: "And above all these things [other virtues], put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness." That I could do! Charity was something I had and could be successful at gaining more of! I didn't need to be smart. It didn't matter to the Lord that I couldn't outstrip my fellow students and beat them in getting better grades. The Lord just wanted me to be charitable. He wanted me to develop Christlike love. That's what mattered most to Him. I really needed to hear that because I was feeling the pains of the most far-reaching failure of my life.
ReplyDeleteWell, to let you know how the story ended, I relied on a trusted friend--my first friend at church in San Diego--to give me a priesthood blessing. I needed divine intervention. In the blessing, the Lord promised me that I would "fix" my grades. The Spirit helped me understand that term to mean "permanently establish your grades into such a position as to never be in danger again of failing law school."
Despite the research and experience that objectively proved that what I was about to attempt was the impossible, I disregarded the invitation to withdraw, continued my stay in law school, and tried to give it one last shot. I worked harder to think like a lawyer than I ever had before. I followed every bit of advice people, administrators, and professors gave me. It hurt, though. Palpable stress every minute of every day for two months flared with constant radiation inside my burning chest cavity. I was in survival mode, feeling like I was about to die any moment.
But then, after two months of the most terrific stress and hard work of my life, a calmness and confidence gathered within me. I felt at peace. I felt hope.
I took my finals. Not only did my grades improve enough to remain in law school at the sheer astonishment of the school's administrators and professors, but in that semester and each succeeding year in law school, I Am Jurred classes (got the highest marks), one of which included the single most difficult law school research paper we all had to write on our own. Because I performed so well, I was also able to keep some of my scholarship I had been awarded, too, which was initially one of the school's best scholarships. I ended up finishing law school in the top half of my class (but, I failed the California Bar. Oh well. You can't win all the time. When I taught myself Utah law, however, I passed its bar the first time, which was the second time I had taken a bar exam).
I have the Lord to thank for working that miracle in my life. It was a miracle by every conceivable human standard that the school had developed through the years from their research and experience with failing students like me. The miracle was costly but worth the price I dearly paid.