You walk into an Hagan-Daz ice cream shop. As you walk up to the counter, behind the glass you see so many incredible flavors: mint chocolate chip, strawberry cheesecake, pistachio, chocolate, mango, tin roof sundae, vanilla, Neapolitan, cookie dough and so many more. Staring through the glass you begin to think of what you'll dish up. You're not just looking for a scoop of ice cream, you're going for an amazing "two scoops" combo. What'll you dish up together?
If I want two scoops and if I am cookie dough and someone else is mango, I am not going to put those mango and cookie dough personality flavors together. Now this is not because they are not each amazing! Let's be honest, they're Haagen Dazs, they're all amazing, but that doesn't mean that they're amazing together. Some flavors compliment the other, bringing out the best in each other. As cookie dough ice cream, I'm not looking for something fruity, I'm looking for yummy goodness that goes well with my cookie dough just the way that I am, and that brings out the best in me at the same time. I appreciate and enjoy mango with its unique and fun spunk but if I'm going for the eternal two scoops, that's not a combo I'd wanna dish up.
PRINCIPLE:
Not wanting to date someone doesn't mean that you don't think super highly of the person, it may just mean that you're looking for a more complimentary combo - ain't no shame in that.
SOLUTION:
So, if faced with a challenging question like, "Why are you not interested in the two of us dating?" or "Why are you not interested in 'so-and-so' they're such a great person?'" hopefully this kind of analogy can give you another way to say, "Hey, you're incredible. I just don't think that the two of us together make for the best "combo."
A little taste testing might help you learn what kind of combo brings out the best in you and whose personal flavor you compliment best as well. When it comes to an eternal two scoops, more power to ya dishing up a complimentary combo, that brings out the best in both of you.
Dish it up,
Ali
PRINCIPLE:
Not wanting to date someone doesn't mean that you don't think super highly of the person, it may just mean that you're looking for a more complimentary combo - ain't no shame in that.
SOLUTION:
So, if faced with a challenging question like, "Why are you not interested in the two of us dating?" or "Why are you not interested in 'so-and-so' they're such a great person?'" hopefully this kind of analogy can give you another way to say, "Hey, you're incredible. I just don't think that the two of us together make for the best "combo."
A little taste testing might help you learn what kind of combo brings out the best in you and whose personal flavor you compliment best as well. When it comes to an eternal two scoops, more power to ya dishing up a complimentary combo, that brings out the best in both of you.
Ali
Ali, great analogy to help make the point of "flavor combos" going well together. I also agree with your point that not wanting to date someone doesn't negate their amazing "flavor". I would add that on the flip side of this, many people don't really know what "flavor" they want, or what goes well together, and are too scared to even try sometimes. For example, if I say "bacon maple bar", you might say "ew gross"...but they actually work very well together :) I understand it's a process of figuring out what "flavors" each of us likes and what resonates with each of us individually, however, I think there tends to be a lot more fear of having to choose one flavor, than there is flavors not working well together :)
ReplyDeleteWell said Josh! Any thoughts on why people are afraid of that or how people might overcome that fear? Maybe a paradigm shift?
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ReplyDeletehttp://www.ksl.com/?sid=27845993&nid=1009&title=i-didnt-marry-my-soul-mate&fm=home_page&s_cid=featured-5
ReplyDelete"The more I choose us the more I realize something: I didn’t marry my soul mate, but that doesn't matter. He has become it." Excellent point, Anonymous
DeleteOne question: How do you know what the flavors are like without trying them? As someone who asked you out and wasn't given the courtesy of a reply, ("No thank you," would have done just fine) I wonder how that would play out in your analogy. Of course, you don't have to go to the counter and ask to taste flavors you don't think you will like, but what about when they are offered to you- at a price to the person offering. What do you think about not responding at all? What if you are missing a combination that on the surface doesn't sound like it would work, but somehow the flavors mesh and it works amazingly. http://www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/23-unexpected-flavor-combos-that-taste-amazing. Maybe you ought to give it a try next time, or a polite "No thank you," would work too.
ReplyDeleteWow, if you asked me out and I did not reply I COMPLETELY apologize! I am a huge believer in being kind, regardless of interest, and having the decency of replying to an invitation is definitely part of that. So to answer your question of, "How do you feel about not responding at all?" I solidly say that I do not feel good about that in the least! I have made huge efforts to NOT do that and I sincerely apologize since apparently I dropped the ball in that dept somewhere along the way. Here are my real thoughts on the matter. http://lookinginwardandlookingupward.blogspot.com/2013/09/diplomatically-declining-date.html
DeleteOption 2 in the post linked above is "not responding" and when I originally wrote that up I drafted to the side of option 2 "aka silence treatment - this is immature and so junior high." I decided not to put that however because I asked myself, "Is there ever a time that it is okay to not respond?" First I thought to myself of how some guy friends of mine would rather not hear back than have a return phone call to say no. They interpret the lack of response as a no. Then I thought about how sometimes people are not able to reply. In my life that has usually been because of one of a few reasons.
1) I have not received the message: a) I use Google Voice which works pretty well most of the time but every now and then there are messages that I never receive. (This just happened again just last week)
b) I usually don't receive or check Facebook messages from people I don't know. My Facebook messages are set up in such a way so that if I don't know a person, even if they message me, frequently it is filtered to a file I never see and didn't even know existed until about a week ago. What about messages that do make it into my inbox and I don’t check? Why don't I check all of those? In the past year or so I have made a CONCERTED EFFORT to simplify my life. Part of that has been simplifying my number of relationships and contacts. http://lookinginwardandlookingupward.blogspot.com/2013/07/prioritizing-relationships.html?q=closeness
2) I did not know that the person was asking me out: Yes, this has happened before. What someone may interpret as a clear invitation another might not pick up on.
3) Life circumstances at the time: There have been times when some circumstances in my life have been overwhelming (work, family, health, etc.) and I have not had whatever it takes to be able to get back to people, voicemails, emails, Facebook messages, etc. While this is not frequently the case, it has happened to me, and I imagine it happens to all of us.
While no offense was intended, I apologize for any that may have been interpreted through the lack of response. Way to do your part.
In regards to your question of “What if you are missing a combination that on the surface doesn't sound like it would work, but somehow the flavors mesh and it works amazingly.” That’s what dating is all about, right? “Taste-testing” and seeing how two people, even when very different, go together. A few weeks ago I started jotting down some thoughts about that. If you write something about it, I hope you’ll send me a link to it.
Nice post..thanks for this post.
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