My Dear Mr. Incredible,
Today is Valentines Day, and like so many people do for their significant other today, I wanted to write you a love letter. Wherever you are and whatever you're up to, I'm thinking of you...
While there is so much that I don't know, the most important things I do know- and it's those things that I want to write about in this (not our first) love letter.
WHAT I KNOW
I know that you are the man- a man of God. I know that you are preparing to be a hero of a husband and a fun-filled and phenomenal father. I know that you are preparing to go to the temple together so that ours will be a forever family - and that means the world to me!
Sometimes I wonder where you are and what you're up to, because I'd L-O-V-E to already be with you, but then I remember that God apparently has work for us to do individually, before we're together. Since that's His game plan for now, I put my "chin up" and get back to doing my part. That being said, I'm so excited to get to do some of our work together later. I miss you.
THANKS FOR "ALREADY" BEING GOOD TO ME
Thank you for the back massage spa package "you" gifted me last year for Valentines. I absolutely loved it. ;)
I hope you got yourself "from me" for Valentines this year. I don't know if you would have chosen something like tools or something like tech, oooo... or maybe something like cologne (major smooth points), but whatever it might be, I hope you absolutely love it.
WHAT I HOPE YOU KNOW
Whatever you are up to, I'm cheering for you. If you are working on school and academics, then I hope you are liking your classes and everything you're learning! If you are dating someone right now I hope she is treating you incredibly well and that you are learning great things to apply in the future. :) If you are transitioning out of a relationship, then I hope it's going smoothly and you know there are great things ahead to hope for and to look forward to. (part of me wants to say "AND GET ON WITH IT!" but I'm not going to say that because some things need to not be rushed in order to be done well... but if that's not the case, then get on with it and get over here!) ;) I hope you can sense my encouragement as you're working hard on the goals and things you are presently up to.
I am so looking forward to being together- to talk, to laugh, to read, to workout together, to be held, to problem solve together, to care for you, to be cared for by you and to navigate things together.
Just as I'm sure you are, I'm trying to prepare well for our future too. It seems to me that some of the best preparation is simply doing whatever leads you to be happy. With all that you are up to and working on, remember I just want you to be happy. You are doing a great job--keep coming! Whatever brings you peace, follow that. Whatever brings you hope, follow that. That's the path that eventually you'll find me and that's the path I want you taking on all the while anyway.
With hope higher than my heels and faith brighter than any bling, I'm cheering you on to the best that is yet to come. Miss you times a million and love you all there is-
Yours,
XOXXOX
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ReplyDeleteOh weird. My comment posted twice then deleted. Anyway...I wrote that I have often written letters like this, but I'm only brave enough to put them in my journal. So kudos for putting it in the blog-o-verse.
ReplyDeleteENFJ is mine. I took the test in law school. It came back describing me as this, as recorded in www.mineandjamieslovestory.blogspot.com in an email to my late wife: "You know how my recent personality came back as Idealist Teacher? Well, tell me if this description doesn't sound like me in an advertisement for the third book in a series entitled 'Please Understand Me' on my personality:
ReplyDelete"'Read how the intense, enthusiastic, highly intuitive Idealists search for ideal love, longing to find the one perfect ‘soul mate’ with whom they can share their inner lives....[T]hey bring all the power of their imaginations to bear on developing and deepening the significant people in their lives. The authors I have discussed in this volume portray the Idealist's search for the perfected life -- and the perfected mate -- with extraordinary insight and sympathy.' -- Dr. Stephen Montgomery'
"Here's another description that makes me think: ‘Wow, there are others like me out there too--astonishing!’
"'IDEALIST NFs, being ABSTRACT in communicating and COOPERATIVE in implementing goals, can become highly skilled in DIPLOMATIC INTEGRATION. Thus their most practiced and developed intelligent operations are usually teaching and counseling (NFJ mentoring), or conferring and tutoring (NFP advocating). And they would, if they could, be sages in one of these forms of social development. The Idealist temperament have an instinct for interpersonal integration, learn ethics with ever increasing zeal, sometimes become diplomatic leaders, and often speak interpretively and metaphorically of the abstract world of their imagination.'
"'They are proud of themselves in the degree they are empathic in action, respect themselves in the degree they are benevolent, and feel confident of themselves in the degree they are authentic. Idealist types search for their unique identity, hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, wish for a little romance each day, trust their intuitive feelings implicitly, aspire for profundity. This is the ‘Identity Seeking Personality’ -- credulous about the future, mystical about the past, and their preferred time and place are the future and the pathway. Educationally they go for the humanities, avocationally for ethics, and vocationally for personnel work.'
"'Social relationships: In their family interactions they strive for mutuality, provide spiritual intimacy for the mates, opportunity for fantasy for their children, and for themselves continuous self-renewal. Idealists [as opposed to Idealist Teachers who are a subgroup of Idealists] do not abound, being as few as 8% and no more than 10% of the population.'"
We only have one letter off. You're ENTJ, right?
Ali, does this describe you pretty well?
DeleteENTJs, much like their Diplomat (NF) counterpart ENFJs, are natural-born leaders. ENTJs and ENFJs share the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. But unlike their Feeling (F) counterparts, ENTJs are characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp mind to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Perhaps it is best that they make up only three percent of the population, lest they overwhelm the more timid and sensitive personality types that make up much of the rest of the world, but we have ENTJs to thank for many of the businesses and institutions we take for granted every day….
If there’s anyone ENTJs respect, it’s someone who is able to stand up to them intellectually, who is able to act with a precision and quality equal to their own. ENTJs have a particular skill in recognizing the talent of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts, since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone.
ENTJ STRENGTHS
High self-confidence. ENTJ personalities trust in their abilities and do not hesitate to express their opinions. They are confident being the center of attention.
Strategic thinkers. ENTJs have no difficulties making long-term plans and approaching problems from several different angles.
Energetic. People with this personality enjoy leading people and putting plans into action. This energizes and motivates them.
Charismatic and inspiring. ENTJs find it easy to convince and inspire other people, mostly because of their high self-esteem and strong opinions.
Very efficient. ENTJ personalities loathe inefficiency, irrationality, and laziness; they seek to root out such behavior wherever they go.
Strong-willed. ENTJs tend to be very determined individuals who rarely give up and abandon their vision, regardless of the opposition.
ENTJ RELATIONSHIPS
ENTJ personalities are energetic and enthusiastic dating partners who take their romantic commitments very seriously. As in other areas, ENTJs strive to seize the leadership position in the romantic relationship. This is likely to be a good thing as the ENTJ will be eager to assume responsibility for making sure that everything goes smoothly. ENTJs are creative and innovative dating partners, which is reflected in their long-term relationships as well. It should be noted, however, that ENTJs will sometimes ask themselves whether the relationship is heading toward a dead end. If this seems to be the case, they may break it off and leave, without looking back.
ENTJs are usually quite bad at sensing their partners’ feelings and emotions, especially during the early dating phase.
From the married intimacy perspective, ENTJs are energetic, enthusiastic, and very imaginative. It is likely that the ENTJ will often push their dating or long-term partner to explore new ways to show their love and affection. However, the ENTJ is also likely to seek some structure and predictability in their intimate life.
ENTJs are unlikely to have any issues with neediness or self-esteem, which makes them very attractive to potential dating partners. However, many other types [especially those with a strong Feeling (F) trait] need a lot of praise and support, and ENTJs should bear this in mind. If the ENTJ does not consciously try to meet their partner’s emotional needs in such a relationship, they may both end up inadvertently hurting each other.
ENTJs do not really mind being criticized and pay attention to critical comments, as long as they are logically sound. However, they should remember that many personality types, especially Feeling (F) ones, are likely to have a different opinion.
Generally speaking, ENTJs bring a lot of great things into their romantic relationships and are likely to be reliable, growth-oriented and dedicated partners. They will be eager to take the steering wheel right from the start and defend their partner from the harsh realities of life.
ENTJ FRIENDS
DeleteENTJ personalities seek two main things in their friendships: inspiration and personal growth. Unlike many other types, they do not really need much emotional support or reassurance. However, ENTJs relish the idea of engaging in deep, meaningful discussions with close friends. People with this personality type are very good at noticing opportunities for learning and development, and they always try to encourage their friends to participate as well.
Generally, ENTJs pay a lot of attention to their friendships. It is not always easy to be an ENTJ’s friend as people with this personality type tend to be very smart, argumentative and critical. Not everyone can withstand an argument with them, which is exactly why ENTJs respect and value friends who are able to hold their ground.
Naturally, ENTJ friends may find it quite difficult to support other people on an emotional level. Dealing with feelings is certainly not their strongest suit, and they are likely to try to avoid emotionally charged situations. ENTJs enjoy challenging their friends and questioning their conclusions, which is usually the opposite of being sensitive.
As ENTJs tend to put growth and personal development above everything else when it comes to friends and friendships, it is quite doubtful that they will pursue relationships that do not offer such opportunities. ENTJ personalities are drawn towards other Intuitive (N) types as such friendships give them a chance to brainstorm and theorize about things they consider important.
ENTJ PARENTS
ENTJs are likely to be strong-willed, strict, and responsible parents. People with this personality type do not like to compromise. They love challenges and set high standards for themselves. Naturally, these traits are clearly recognizable in the ENTJ parenting style as well. ENTJ parents will do everything they can to ensure that their children are smart and independent high-achievers.
ENTJ personalities are unlikely to worry much about instilling their principles and values; they place more importance on rationality and independent thinking. However, ENTJ parents will not tolerate children disrespecting their authority. An ENTJ will often encourage their children to voice their own opinions and not be afraid to defend them, but they will also make sure that every child knows their obligations.
ENTJ CAREERS
DeleteTypical ENTJ careers are defined by several traits that anyone interacting with an ENTJ can easily notice: drive, determination and leadership. These traits tend to push ENTJs toward a certain set of careers and somewhat limit their choices; however, people with this personality type are unlikely to complain about that.
First, ENTJ personalities love turning their ideas into plans, and this is one of their most important traits as far as typical ENTJ careers are concerned. They focus on the future and possess a level of self-confidence rarely seen among other personality types. These traits make ENTJs excellent executives, entrepreneurs, and corporate strategists. They will have enough drive and determination to push a certain idea forward, even if there are many obstacles in their path. It is no surprise that the aforementioned careers are seen as ideal by many ENTJs.
Second, people with this personality type tend to have excellent leadership skills and an inborn love for knowledge. They loathe incompetence, laziness, and inefficiency. This makes ENTJs very strict and demanding, but also extremely effective and objective managers. There are many careers where such traits are crucial and held in high esteem; for instance, ENTJs tend to be good lawyers, judges, business administrators, or university professors. There are other potential career paths where ENTJs tend to excel, but these examples are quite relevant and telling.
Finally, ENTJs are excellent communicators (especially verbally), enjoy structure and order, but strongly dislike routine tasks. Once again, this means that ENTJs are more suited to be visionaries and leaders rather than day-to-day administrators. Typical ENTJ careers always involve at least some degree of leadership. It is quite unlikely that an ENTJ will remain happy as a low-level employee for long. They truly enjoy being in a managing position, and some of their traits come to light only if they have enough power to utilize
ENTJ IN THE WORKPLACE
People with the ENTJ personality type are known for excellent leadership traits. This makes them ideal managers, but they can also be reasonable and efficient subordinates or amazing colleagues. ENTJs’ communication skills, confidence, and rational minds are usually valued and respected in the workplace; however, every stick has two ends, and the ENTJ personality type is no exception.
ENTJ COLLEAGUES
Sociable, willing to exchange ideas
Dominant and strong-willed
Find it easy to inspire and tutor other people
Only accept rational arguments and may be insensitive
Very good at brainstorming and critiquing ideas
ENTJ MANAGERS
Persuasive communicators
Confident and charismatic
Excellent strategists
Do not tolerate laziness or substandard work
Find it very easy to lead and motivate other people
Able to easily recognize their subordinates’ talents
Loathe inefficiency
ENTJ SUBORDINATES
High achievers, willing to work very hard if the role is interesting
Enjoy being challenged and proving that nothing is impossible
Accept criticism, as long as it is backed up with rational arguments
Open-minded, enjoy learning new things
Set very high standards for themselves
Very good at prioritizing
May be a bit absentminded sometimes
CONCLUSION
ENTJs' intelligence, strong will and logical reasoning skills are a force to be reckoned with. Be it a minor obstacle or a seemingly impossible task, ENTJs will find a way - or make one. This fearsome determination and intellect allow ENTJs to overcome many challenges.
Yet ENTJs can be easily tripped up in areas where careful and rational thinking is more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, connecting with other people, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder or forcing themselves to relax, ENTJs need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
Here's some more research that might stimulate growth:
DeleteCompatibility
The ENFJ is the harmonious people champion, warm, caring and extremely organised. The ENFJ will be the one people turn to for help. They are authentic, insightful and great at tuning in to how others are feeling and making people feel truly special. They are found at the emotional heart of a group, selfless, acting as the glue, an unusual combination of bossy and caring.
The ENTJ is the master of change, the big picture conceptualist who loves the new and the challenging who devise the long range plan then relentlessly drive it towards conclusion. Confident and authoritative the ENTJ will take the lead rarely hesitating and with a directness that can often leave others reeling in their wake having no time for anything seen as woolly or obstructive.
Relationships
We can all learn to adapt and modify our behaviour if we choose. This is designed to demonstrate areas of similarity and difference so that a true understanding can happen and thus reduce the risk of misunderstandings.
Being around them
The ENFJ is empathetic and insightful, seeing and making connections between people. Action-oriented, and people-centred they make sure that everything is planned, scheduled, organised and people are happy.
The ENTJ will be assertive, energetic and will love a robust debate, as this is their method of conversation. Because they are so confident and outspoken they may inadvertently upset people with their directness.
Dealing with emotions
ENFJs are emotional but tend to focus on other people, tuning in and bringing incredible empathy and organisational ability to bear. This means they can get ‘emotioned out’ themselves as they give so much.
The ENTJ doesn’t really understand emotions, preferring to deal with issues as problems, or concepts and certainly trying to appeal to their emotional side will not be the best way to resolve issues.
Openness and sharing feelings
Whilst the ENFJ will encourage trust and openness they may not be so open about how they are feeling, indeed they may not really think about that so focused are they on caring for, and organising others.
The ENTJ shares their thoughts easily but is not really an emotional person. They are open and assertive and everyone will be clear where they stand but this will probably remain at a cerebral level.
Drivers and values
ENFJs tune into others. They have thin psychological boundaries, and are at risk of being hurt or by those who are less sensitive, often taking on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.
As an ENTJ is primarily concerned with making things happen they may not realise that other people may take a little longer to understand or may not be as forthcoming or direct and assume silence is agreement.
Initial Response to Conflict Situations
The twin attributes of insightful caring and organisational ability will mean the ENFJ will see all the interconnections between people, pick up on the cues and work tirelessly to help solve people issues.
The ENTJ likes conflict as a means to discuss and inform and get things done. They enjoy a good argument and will be robust and strident in their views and will forget conflict as quickly as they enter into it.
Issues they'll fight on
The ENFJ is an enthusiastic champion of people who wants to make sure the needs of the people are and taken care of. Excellent networkers who tune into people and popular among their colleagues.
The ENTJ does not like anything preventing progress and they will make their views known on that directly and clearly. Their whole purpose is to make change happen and they do not like a slow pace.
Conflict style / Communication
DeleteArticulate and confident the ENFJ will be persuasive and tenacious; the one voted the leader or committee chairperson. Everyone knows they can depend on the ENFJ who will fight the cause of the people.
The ENTJ is extremely direct, at times bone-jarringly so and they may therefore not pick up on sensitivities, especially around the fact that other people may not enjoy conflict and some may even fear it.
How They Feel After
The ENFJ may bite off more that they can chew, as their first priority is to say ‘yes’ and take the pain away for others. During such times they may feel weighed down, overwhelmed and underappreciated.
The ENTJ will often think they have had a gentle discussion whilst the other person feels they have been in battle. Arguments are the way of getting clarity to the ENTJ and once it’s over, it is completely forgotten.
Dealing with Conflict
Some types dislike and avoid conflict, whereas others use it to solve problems and get things done. Understand how an ENFJ deals with conflict in our practical tutorial.
Manage conflict with an ENTJ by taking our practical tutorial. Do they use conflict to solve problems and get things done, or do they dislike and avoid it? Find out more.
At Work
We all bring something different to the team and we all agree that difference and balance are good things. However when someone is different from us we might not understand them so well so in this section we allow you to compare the differences at work, how these might manifest themselves and how best to manage them.
Contribution to the Team
ENFJs will bring structure and impetus whilst at the same making sure the needs of all the people are taken care of. Often at the flipchart they capture ideas giving everyone the chance to contribute.
The ENTJ is the leader: impatient, driven and with a strong desire to agree to the strategy then drive relentlessly for closure. They will be superb at preventing complacency and giving pace to the team.
Leading
DeleteThe ENFJ will assume the leadership role simply because they want to drive for closure and ensure that people are happy. They need to satiate their need for action and their passion for people.
If the ENTJ is not the elected leader they will still assume leadership, as their nature is to change things and make it happen now. At the centre of what’s happening and will relentlessly ensure a focus on goals.
Being managed
Naturally service-driven the ENFJ really does care and will want to apply this energy to tangible outputs, preferably that will help people. They need clarity, real meaning, a worthwhile output and closure.
Managing an ENTJ is about providing the right conditions to let them lead, whether people or a project or a task, to allow them the authority to do and occasionally pull them back to ensure people are with them.
Attention to detail / focus
The ENFJ loves a plan, a clear picture of where they are going and they will work diligently towards the goal. Indeed the ENFJ will feel less comfortable with too many options open, as they need closure.
The ENTJ loves a goal, something to run at and they will excel at making sure other people are just as enthused and understand the need to get on and drive for closure. They will focus the team clearly and often.
Creativity
ENFJs focus on the organisational and people aspects and so are not primarily creative preferring to work on making sure that what has been agreed is properly planned and that people are happy.
The ENTJ loves the complex and the big picture. They strategise and consider but once they are clear it is all about getting to the end as quickly as possible and when the plan is agreed - no more thinking.
Personally, I think this all sounds invigorating. =). I hope you don't mind me being so analytical, direct, and open about possibilities. It's just the way I am. You've been very public about your love for your future spouse here, so, I figured you wouldn't mind an insightful response to what might work for you if you were to find an ENFJ with similar values as you.
In case my concluding paragraph got buried with all the research, let me just repeat: personally, I think this all sounds invigorating. =). I hope you don't mind me being so analytical, direct, and open about possibilities. It's just the way I am. You've been very public about your love for your future spouse here, so, I figured you wouldn't mind an insightful response to what might work for you if you were to find an ENFJ with similar values as you.
DeleteP.S.--Just so you don't think this is too rushed, the small print in your love letter resonates with me because I'm transitioning, in a way, from a relationship and working on the area of healing. And yes, that's how I heal. For what its worth...
DeleteOne last thought, as I go through both the ENFJ that I am and the ENTJ that you are, I find that my personality is probably also (that is, "also" as in what I also observe in you) a combo between ENFJ and ENTJ. Sometimes I come across as an ENTJ, rather than my basic personality of ENFJ. You seem to be a combo like me, but predominantly ENTJ with a healthy, healthy mix of ENFJ, which I admire
DeleteCame across this blog post and am impressed with its substance. It seems the author is 1) very sharp/driven; 2) spiritually strong and 3) anxiously seeking marriage. This most recent post stirred a few thoughts in me. Someone once said "you only really obtain something after having overcome the desire for it." An issue that seems more pronounced in Utah is a near-obsessive emphasis on marriage. It seems emphasizing it too much actually inhibits one's ability to obtain it. The parts of this blog I like the most are where the author speaks of moving forward in life regardless of one's circumstances. That shows true maturity and faith in my view. This Valentine's Day post was a little more difficult to appreciate. I certainly understand the appropriate desire to marry and how that swells around Valentine's Day. But I can't help but think, as a single guy myself, that any guy reading this would feel an enormous amount of pressure/expectation in dating you to provide be this near already exalted man providing this near constantly euphoric marriage your post seems to characterize/seek. So much of obtaining a happy marriage seems to revolve around having appropriate expectations of what marriage is and what it isn't. All passions need to be bridled and for many, the biggest passion with which they grapple is the desire to enter and maintain a happy marriage. Marriage, too, can become a passion in need of a bridle. Reminds me of trying to aggressively catch a cat. If you passionately chase after it, it will run away; and even if you catch it, it may suffocate or at minimum ache to get away. But if you calmly let it do its own thing while you do yours, it will come over and hang out with you in its own way and time; and, so long as you don't pounce on it when it does come over, gladly let you pet it. Anyway, don't mean to be too critical. This is a fantastic blog with an author clearly has a lot of substance, insight, and maturity. I'm sure she'll marry happily one day. Just a few thoughts in helping that process along. Happy Valentine's Day.
ReplyDelete